so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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