i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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