Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
