my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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