I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
