you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
