I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
