My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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