4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
