A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
