So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
