remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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