If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what day is it and did you see me today?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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