I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
