i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
