My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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