Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
