Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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