Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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