I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
