I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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