I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
