I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
