rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize