just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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