The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
