Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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