She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
