If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Life is so much better after having sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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