can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
