i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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