"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
