Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
