Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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