sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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