i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
where are you?
Hypothermia
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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