Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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