cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
