I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
