You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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