Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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