good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
