I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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