I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
