I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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