thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
