Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
