we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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