Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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