The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
