halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
