So drunk its hurt
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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