If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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