So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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