dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .