We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
