I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward