also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.