yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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