so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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