I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
