he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
