i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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