I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
