My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
